Robin – Is it cruel of me to admit that one of my favorite things is seeing how desperate writers get when they can’t edit themselves? Is it wrong that I’m the only one here who’s able to edit my posts?

Now, back to your book, because you and I are having a race, and I’m hoping for a photo finish.

Kat – I love that you called Eric goatish.

*Joe* – Hey, you disappeared for a while there. I’m glad you’re back.

Ric – I always do an interview and the question of the week emerges from that.

Carolyn – Sorry, his next book is more porn. Maybe the one after that.

Grant – I didn’t know this and I’m shocked. I don’t know if I’ll buy you any more packs of gum now. I feel kind of dirty about the whole thing.

Pia – Your stories have just the right amount of everything.

Jim, Greg – Thanks!

Aurelio – Same here. Whenever I’ve been secretive about my writing, that’s where everyones’ thoughts go.

Shelley – Now everyone is Googling Annie Sprinkle.

Juliet – Hee, I wonder if maybe his self-portrait was not meant to look leering or psycho.

Eric – Congratulations on the new book contract and the very funny title!

Sarah – We should have “Family Reaction” day sometime and record all the responses and see who’s been disinherited and such!

Greg – That’s really F-ing funny!

Rachael – Wow, my college never offered classes like that.

Carolyn – Looks like only Ellen’s mind was in the gutter.

Maria – That’s probably the best way to ensure our families are proud of us, make sure they buy but don’t read our books!

Try telling the family that you’re writing a book about dating every guy who asks. Some similar responses. My grandma has a copy, which she carried around her assisted living center for months. She was afraid to set it down. She hadn’t read it. But she just knew those old dogs in the retirement center would steal it from her.

Can’t wait to read your book!

Maria

I saw it immediately. What does that say about me?

I read all of these great comments and will respond tomorrow. As many of you know, I’m really pushing to finalize my novel by the end of the month and so I’ve been doing things like laying out a trail of manuscript papers on the floor of my basement and walking among them, talking to myself. This is all part of my genius, I’m sure.

‘Night.

I literally just received this e-mail from my mother after she read my last Nervous Breakdown article:

“Great story except for the “F” words. Can’t you just
say another word instead? Otherwise I enjoyed it. Mom”

Speaking of Ron, it turns out that I’ll be writing about him after all. HarperCollins hired me to ghostwrite his autobiography (which they’ve cleverly titled “The Hardest Man in Show Business.”) This news will no doubt delight my uncle, and will likely inspire him to make at least one inappropriate comment – probably in the middle of some big family dinner – about Ron Jeremy’s schmeckel. That should go over well.

I have to quit writing about porn. No good can come from this. If my name turns up on another dirty book, my mom may stop returning my calls. If I have any say in the matter, my next book will be about puppies and rainbows.

Thanks for all the kind comments.