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Weekly Wrap: How We Love

by Susan Henderson on October 12, 2007

My mom recently sent me an email with the title, Love. It contained only these words and a picture of my father: We’ve brought Cosimo home to die. He has an incurable tumor near his tail. Daddy can’t let him go yet. He says he still purrs and likes getting brushed. Mom

*

I used to think love was something big and dramatic and precious – something you had to parcel out carefully because there was only so much to go around. Mostly I saved love for boyfriends, and love implied a kind of intensity and focus that eventually tired all of us out.

I’ve changed my mind about love.

On its most basic level, love is the easiest thing of all to give. It’s about wanting good things to happen for other people. Not because they’ve earned them. Not so they’ll appreciate you. Not for any other reason except, Why not? Try this at a family function or a work picnic. Try it when you’re driving in the car and someone nearly cuts you off. You just think, I hope something really great happens for that person. It’s that easy. And maybe this type of love is easy because it doesn’t require actually liking the person. To love complete strangers and even complete dipshits, all you have to do is remove the expectation of anything in return. Love is something you can give or withhold at any time.

But this isn’t the kind of love you want someone to feel for you – not some kind of tepid, well-I-don’t-wish-you-harm kind of love. That smacks of “tolerating” a person – and who wants to be tolerated?

Let me go ahead and give my stubborn definition of the only kind of love that counts. To love someone, to really and truly love them, is to accept the entire package of who they are right now, at this very moment. Love is not mentoring. Love is not therapy. Love is not helping someone realize their potential. Love is showing appreciation and caring for the whole crazy, wondrous, original package. If you are my friend, this is the deal you have with me.

Oh, but there’s a problem here. Can you guess what it is?

If you are completely yourself and I am completely myself – no masks, no filters, no holding back, no formalities – what are the chances we will get on each other’s nerves? High!

Why? Because we each have buttons! And after much thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that deep, long-lasting love – the kind you reserve for your inner circle – is about finding the people least likely to press your buttons!

Sue’s buttons:

These are the qualities that make me want to pull my eyeballs right out of their sockets: clingy, needy, mopey, pouty, meek. Hold on. There’s more: people who need to be coddled and reassured, people who hold grudges, people who stew over mistakes, people who don’t speak up when they have a problem, people who have a problem they need to speak up about more than once a year, people who can’t laugh at themselves, people who can’t handle other people laughing at them, people who hover, people who need other people to make them feel comfortable, people who need constant attention, people who call just to talk, people whose feelings are hurt easily or often. Just a few more: people who are on restrictive diets and talk about them, people who meditate, people who worship things I would refer to as hoo-ha, people who send me glitter clip-art, people who are or want to become dentists or dental hygienists, and people who would be hurt if I did not remember an anniversary or a Hallmark-invented holiday.

(Mr. Henderson is looking over my shoulder, saying, “That picture doesn’t show enough buttons in it.”)

Do I apologize for having these buttons? No. This has nothing at all to do with judging people with these qualities or even judging the qualities themselves. This is about understanding your chemistry and your hard-wiring. I’m not a mushy caregiver type. If someone tries to get that from me, I will feel angry and smothered, and they will feel disappointed and dismissed. We will try to change ourselves or each other in order to make it work, and in the end, it’s a miserable and failed experiment.

There is no reason to spend large amounts of time with the people who make you wish life were shorter.

When the chemistry is easy, you don’t have to expend a lot of energy. You don’t have to try to listen. You don’t have to try to impress anyone. You don’t have to think of what to say. You don’t have to worry if you are bothering them. (Mr. H says, “Yes, you do. You might be bothering them.” But Mr. Henderson can write his own blog if he wants to.)

Sticking to the people you have easy chemistry with gives the relationship a lot more room for the things life likes to throw at you: illness, difficult pregnancies, world tragedies, accidents, love handles, man-breasts, hot flashes, unemployment, and so on. Love is about the people you want to travel with as you ride the rollercoaster of life.

(Oh, good grief. Now Mr. H wants me to clarify that I’m not talking about him when I say, “man breasts.” Would you get your own blog, already?! Some day, I bet you will have man-breasts, and don’t you want me to still do that thing?)

Surprisingly, when I looked at my inner circle of friends, I found no real trends in age, country of origin, religion, philosophy, look, dress, interest in sports, taste in music or books or art. The people in my inner circle do not necessarily like each other. The only real factor, besides a kind of bewildering number of artists, musicians and Aries (of all things), were that these people, to the person, do not have any of the qualities that press my buttons.

They tend to be like this: sturdy, playful, feisty, flirty, fiercely independent, self-entertained, high-achieving, stubborn, low-maintenance. They are people actively living or chasing their dreams, people who need their space, people on fire with creative and meaningful ways to spend their time. When we are together, there is a lot of laughing and sparring and heckling and play-wrestling and teasing. They enjoy my company but they don’t require it.

If you’re wondering when I’m going to say something about Mr. Henderson, it’s right here, because he tends to have a short attention span when I start talking; and if he’s been reading my blog, by now he’s stopped.

What is my favorite thing about Mr. Henderson? He’s just easy. I can talk to him about anything. Being around him never feels burdensome. And he makes me laugh. Here’s an illustration of his twisted sense of humor. The other day, we were playing soccer with our friends, and I stopped on the field and asked him, “Have you seen the boys?” Usually, our kids play nearby. Now, Mr. Henderson saw them right away, but he told me, “Oh, don’t worry. I just saw them over by that van, petting some guy’s puppy.” Everyone else on the soccer field waited to see if I’d laugh, and of course I did, and then we were all in hysterics.

Mr. Henderson and I play like two puppies. I’m the biter. He’s a little better-natured.

He’s been my best friend for almost 21 years. We are not into romantic gimmicks. When it’s my birthday, I usually ask for “space,” though one year he bought me frogs, which was cool. We don’t have “a song.” We don’t have pet names for each other, although he sometimes calls me his “little delicate flower,” which he thinks is funny. The chemistry is good. The sex is very good, and I’d have to say “inventive.” But mostly, I just like him. I like to see what he does when he is true to his dreams and his nature and his talents. I don’t have to be a part of every little corner of his life or know every one of his friends or see every one of his shows. He’s not on any sort of leash – long or short. He might like to put me on a leash, but I’d thrash my head around and make that impossible. His gift to me (because he knows I’d barf if he got me a Hallmark card or lingerie) is that he lets me be myself, the whole range of me, and he’s still here. That’s all I need.

I’m going to close where I started – with pets. Today, I was out getting braces put on Bach-Boy, and afterwards, he felt sore and self-conscious. When we got home, two of the dogs and one of the cats greeted us. (Maybe predictably, James – the cat everyone knows is my favorite – was the only one who didn’t greet us.) And I was thinking, this is why we love our pets so much. Pets could care less about things like braces. They let go of the little things. Maybe this why we are more willing to care for them than our human relatives when they’re sick.

In the photo, that’s Brian, who was an awesome dog, though he was always in danger of biting the mailman. And he was sensitive about his feet being touched – but so am I. He had epilepsy, and near the end, cancer and such muscle atrophy, I’m literally holding him up in this photo. During the last month of his life, Mr. Henderson would carry him upstairs every night so he could sleep in our bed. And in the morning, he’d carry him back down the stairs. I don’t think any of us could have cried more when he died. We loved him despite, and maybe even because of all of these things.

Sorry this is such a long post today. My blog is syndicated on Amazon, and whenever I post something too long, I get all of these cranky comments from people I’m happy not to have in my inner circle.

Okay, on that note… Have a great weekend, everyone. And thank you to Daryl Darko, Jennifer Prado, Emma Alvarez, and Gay Iskreno, who linked to LitPark this week!

{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }

lance reynald October 12, 2007 at 12:18 am

xo.

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Nathalie October 12, 2007 at 1:54 am

Hugs.
That’s a great post, Susan and indeed we seem to be a similar wave (I think I might have less buttons but I never had/wanted to count them).

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Robin Slick October 12, 2007 at 8:22 am

These are the qualities that make me want to pull my eyeballs right out of their sockets: clingy, needy, mopey, pouty, meek. Hold on. There’s more: people who need to be coddled and reassured, people who hold grudges, people who stew over mistakes, people who don’t speak up when they have a problem, people who have a problem they need to speak up about more than once a year, people who can’t laugh at themselves, people who can’t handle other people laughing at them, people who hover, people who need other people to make them feel comfortable, people who need constant attention, people who call just to talk, people whose feelings are hurt easily or often. Just a few more: people who are on restrictive diets and talk about them, people who meditate, people who worship things I would refer to as hoo-ha, people who send me glitter clip-art, people who are or want to become dentists or dental hygienists, and people who would be hurt if I did not remember an anniversary or a Hallmark-invented holiday.

Ha! Oh, how I relate to this. But here’s where the two of us are different…up until I just read today’s brilliant essay, that is. While I know due to the heavy traffic this site gets and the amount of comments, surely there are more than a few people dropping by Lit Park who fall into the above categories. Unlike you, I do not usually stay quiet and pretty much virtually pull their eyeballs out of their sockets because they drain me with their constant need for attention, hoo-ha worship, and top of my list, their inability to laugh at themselves. But then I feel guilty and think that I’m a bad person because I cannot tolerate these people and I tell myself that instead of letting them get to me, I should be more like Mrs. Henderson.

So I thank you for the honesty in today’s post…and for letting us see the real Susan.

Now. Let’s get to the real reason I’m typing this comment. What the hell is that thing you do to Mr. Henderson’s breasts? C’mon, I’m old and out of tricks…share!

xo
P.S. Glitter clip art is horrific. It’s probably the number one reason I avoid MySpace.

P.P.S. Since I didn’t see “plugging your kids on my blog” listed in your eyeball socket list, my son has a gig with Project Object at the Lion’s Den, 214 Sullivan Street in New York City tonight which is going to be awesome…

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Kimberly October 12, 2007 at 8:34 am

Sue. Simply beautiful. ’nuff said.

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Kimberly October 12, 2007 at 8:36 am

Oh, and Robin, I’m so there! I’ll report back – although I doubt you’ll be surprised what I have to say. You already know what a drummer-crush I have on your man-child…

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Betsy October 12, 2007 at 9:01 am

Lovely, Susan, what a nice way to start my day. That and trying to love my dog who seems interested in pulling everything he can out of my office closet.

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Robin Slick October 12, 2007 at 9:14 am

Ha ha, Kim, you’d make an excellent girlfriend for Eric…he’s not that much younger than you are. Thank you so much for coming out tonight and supporting the band.

Speaking of Eric and older women, I had a chilling thought the other night…not chilling in a bad way, mind you, but chilling nonetheless. I read an interchange between Dr. Dot and Eric on Eric’s MySpace site and said to myself “Holy crap! I could end up being Dr. Dot’s mother-in-law!”

Now that would be interesting…

Betsy: I would love to see a photo of your dog in action right now.

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Susan Henderson October 12, 2007 at 9:39 am

Quickie announcement:

Wordstock 2007 will be held November 9-11, 2007 at the Oregon Convention Center in Portland, Oregon. Authors who will appear this year include Richard Rhodes, Jane Hamilton, Katha Pollitt, Adrian Tomine, Charles Baxter, Alexandra Fuller, Melissa Fay Greene, Lance Williams & Mark Fainaru-Wada, and Ron Carlson. More importantly, Lance and Alex and Juliet will be there; so if you plan to go, let them know so you can meet up!

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Susan Henderson October 12, 2007 at 9:54 am

Lance – xoxo

Nathalie – Really my buttons all boil down to one: emotionally needy. Which says more about my own limitations than anything else.

Robin – Thank you for laughing! How often do I think I’m being funny and poking fun at myself and then people get all serious and concerned?!

If anyone reads my fiction or my weekly wraps, they already know I’m not some mushy little do-gooder. And I know and care deeply about many people who press my buttons. I think my point is, if you need water, don’t go to the m&m machine – you know? People make themselves (and other people) so miserable by going to the wrong people for what they need.

(It’s a trick with the tongue.)

P.S. I need to see your kids perform. And sigh. Count me as one more with an inappropriate crush on the drummer.

Kimberly – Now don’t go telling Mr. Henderson to read the blog today.

Betsy – Steve the Greyhound has been pulling chicken bones out of the trash all morning.

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Aurelio O'Brien October 12, 2007 at 10:12 am

(As the needy, insecure part of me scans your HUGE list in horror…)

Man, good post. Yeah, we all tap a button or two from time to time, we’re all human, but some people act as if they own them, as if those buttons have their name’s on them.

That’s why I like humor. A good laugh can change the whole day. I’d much rather poke my friends in the ribs than their buttons.

What I cannot abide is people who cannot laugh at themselves.

Love this place. Love you, Susan.

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Kimberly October 12, 2007 at 10:27 am

Sue – I never do. What happens in the ‘Park stays in the ‘Park! 😉

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Michael D. Williams October 12, 2007 at 10:31 am

I’m right there with you. The emmotionaly needy would do better to slam their head into a rock than to look to me(probably a little bit of an exaggeration). I am fiercly independant. I love people but I love to be alone. I also think we need those people no matter how much they annoy us. If everyone was like us and unable to push our buttons. Why would we seek solitude and space? I enjoyed your post very much. I see myself in a lot of what you and others have written here. I love, but in most cases it’s in the shallow end of the pool.

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Aimee October 12, 2007 at 10:53 am

So we really do have the same version of love. I am very similar and have a similar list of things that bother me about other people.

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Debbie Ann October 12, 2007 at 11:05 am

Where have I been? I love this stuff. I don’t know why I haven’t come here more often. I am busy being creative, feisty and unneedy. LOL

I love your love stuff..and Mr. Henderson. (i feel the same about my spousal unit) then all your caveats. Don’t we all have them?

I add to pull-eyeballs-out thing the following:

Manipulative people who do the double entendre stuff, so that you are always going, “did he/she mean this? or was that literal?”
Disingenuous people. People who lie so much they don’t know how to tell the truth. Those who cannot forgive and hold grudges. (THE worst!!)Chips on the shoulder types who see the whole world as out to get them.
I have tried to do the stay away but love thing? (After reading this stuff about staying positive, loving enemies and all.) But I tell ya, it doesn’t work if someone is mean. It doesn’t! Stay away.

But I think all of the above can be forgiven and you can still try to love (from a distance) if someone can laugh, get rid of the chip, and relax. If you can laugh and relax,and dig out that meanness, anything in the world can be forgiven.

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lance reynald October 12, 2007 at 11:19 am

why am I certain that finding out the meaning in this is going to involve a lot of whiskey:

(It’s a trick with the tongue.)

I know a great many tricks… now my mind is wandering in a place that is going to make the day most interesting.

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Julie Ann Shapiro October 12, 2007 at 12:06 pm

Negativity ranks at the top of my list. But everyone has their negative moments. It can be so draining to be around.

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Susan Henderson October 12, 2007 at 12:20 pm

Aurelio – Hee. I love you, too.

Kimberly – It’s usually his students who rat me out.

Michael – I wonder if part of it is a western thing. I was thinking, even my giant-hearted, poetry-loving, Grateful Dead following western relatives have that sense of being self-contained and solitary. Even the ones who are big talkers and great at expressing affection will do those silent 6-hour drives and not worry that the silence “means something.” And I agree, we are better for a diverse world.

Aimee – I knew it!

Debbie – I think laughter and forgiveness can fix almost anything. But I also agree that the people who feel miserable in their relationships – they feel like they’re giving and not receiving, etc – should consider whether they are asking the wrong personality type to fill their needs.

Lance – Some tricks you have to just stumble upon.

Julie – Everyone comes into the world with too much shine and too many gifts to offer to be hanging around where they feel drained.

* P.S. to everybody *

Come on out of hiding all of you marvelously mushy types. I’m so worried I scared you away. This park needs you!

My only only point – as someone who is told very often, “You guys are like newlyweds. You’re always laughing together,” – I think your primary friendships and your number one love relationship should be a good match of temperament and need. That way each person is free to be him or herself. I tend to hang around the type of person who, when I am just being myself, sees me as playful and tender and generous and funny. If I behave the exact same way with someone who is emotionally needy, they read that same behavior as being abrasive or withholding. Or worse, they actually bring out a meaner side of me. Do I love those mushy types here or at a conference or at a reading? Absolutely. But I’ll invest the bulk of my time with the people I find easy and the people who bring out my best qualities.

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Tish Cohen October 12, 2007 at 12:31 pm

Love this post.
I can’t take people who talk about their medical minutiae every time I speak to them.

Have a great weekend. Like Robin, I want to know about the breast thing…

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Julie Ann Shapiro October 12, 2007 at 1:45 pm

I can’t take narrow-mindedness either. One thing main thing I’ve learned after my car accident is that by only having “my kind of people in my space” it’s limiting. Recently, at the suggestion of my husband we joined a community thing with me dragging my feet all the way. Most of the people are way more traditional and conservative than me, but I was touched by the warmth and love. By conservative I mean outlook, not politics. I think I was the only woman in the entire room without kids and about wanted to scream after the 20th person asking me if I had kids. But once I got past that question I found big sisters and surrogate mothers in a room that was strangers only moments before.

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Julie Ann Shapiro October 12, 2007 at 1:59 pm

So I guess I do like mushy types. Sorry, Susan and everyone. If you got feelngs on the sleeves it’s one less mystery for me to figure out.

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Susan Henderson October 12, 2007 at 2:33 pm

Julie – Good point. And don’t be sorry for sharing your opinion. The more points of view, the better.

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Debbie Ann October 12, 2007 at 2:48 pm

Sue,
I think, yeah, relationships, particularly marriages, simply have to have two compatible personality types and a balance of give and receive, or blamo.

My real interest in this topic is the messiness of dealing with someone you do not want to be friends with, but want to be peaceful and loving with. I think that is a complex issue, and when you are trying to do that with someone, either in your past or present, who has been cruel to you, it gets hugely complex. People who do mean things do them because they are very self-involved and needy. Being nice, attempting to forgive and think nice things, regardless, is big and all, but, really, the person in question (unless they have read the same positive thinking book as you!! LOL) will not see it that way. Someone who has been mean, knows it and will think a person being nice is really trying to be mean underneath it…. or worse, a friend again, or lover, or whatever the relationship was.

Blah blah.

It interests me because it is what I write about alot–trying to find this place that says, I cannot be close, but I can still love. I write about this. And I still have no answers!

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Susan Henderson October 12, 2007 at 3:16 pm

Ooh, very good topic! Yes, I agree about the marriages, and I think that’s why some surprise combos like James Carville and Mary Matalin work out just fine. They both need fire.

But, yeah, it is a luxury, I guess, to be able to choose the people we spend our deepest time with. What if your husband’s mother got sick and suddenly moved in with you? She might not be a great match, but she is there too long to keep things polite or superficial. Hmmm. NOW, we definitely need to hear from the mushy ones because I only know how to respond by pulling my eyeballs out of their sockets.

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Julie Ann Shapiro October 12, 2007 at 4:17 pm

Debbie Ann,
You pose a really good question. It’s something I’ve had to wrestle with a lot with extended family. Mushy, loving and toxic is the way some people are wired. Sometimes they don’t know they’re toxic…they think they are helpful. Establishing boundaries helps, but not if they ram right through them. What I’ve found works best is to understand where they’re coming from and make peace over the past hurts. If you can do all that then a relationship is possible. If you can’t it gets all muddy and painfull and feels like a re-run of an old tape.

Julie

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Sarah Bain October 12, 2007 at 4:19 pm

I am mushy so I will write because I love roses and love letters and surprise presents and kisses and things that go bump in the night. And that button pressing thing–when someone presses my buttons, I often have to ask myself if they are pressing my buttons because it is the very same thing in myself that I loathe? (The answer is surprisingly, ‘yes’ often.) And so I have to be careful. And certainly, over time, love changes and deepens (hopefully) but mostly laughing is the best cure-all for those moments of ‘un-love’ and since I’m funnier than Terry it must mean I have more moments of ‘un-love’ but I guess I can say anything because he doesn’t show up much anymore… If I were going to improve upon love, I would have to be much more like Terry because I am harder on the folks I love and I am harder to please.

(PS – A note to Terry – I went to the Davenport hotel yesterday to get a cup of coffee and their absolutely stunning roses are put in the sale bin on day 2 and 3 for $12.50 a dozen. Who could resist that? I certainly wouldn’t if someone bought some for me! :)

Oh and did I mention I am not at all subtle. It’s my strong point, I think.

Sarah

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Michael D. Williams October 12, 2007 at 4:45 pm

A western thing, maybe. I know a lot of people like that, when times are tough they dig deep and deal. I also know those who have nowhere to dig so they try to pawn off on those around them. So maybe it’s not a western thing. Maybe no matter where we are we fit an archtype. Maybe some are born to lead the way and some to follow and some to be left all together. Maybe not being able to suffer fools makes us the fool. Wow, this could get out of control with maybes and what ifs. I know towns like the one your father is from. I stayed at a hotel like that not too many years ago and it was $18 a night. Find that in NYC…

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Julie Ann Shapiro October 12, 2007 at 4:46 pm

I love roses too and all the sweet nothings. So yeah, count me in the mush crowd. But give me space and lots of it.

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Carolyn Burns Bass October 12, 2007 at 6:15 pm

Late to the park today. (I wasn’t hiding my mushiness under a rose bush, I was updating my MySpace page with a glorious Maxfield Parrish background.)

Susan said: To love someone, to really and truly love them, is to accept the entire package of who they are right now, at this very moment. Love is not mentoring. Love is not therapy. Love is not helping someone realize their potential. Love is showing appreciation and caring for the whole crazy, wondrous, original package.

Dang, Susan, you stole the plot of my next novel: A romance about a motivational guru who falls in love with his therapist.

Seriously, though, we can learn more about what love is NOT than we can in a lifetime of studying what love is.

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Susan Henderson October 12, 2007 at 6:31 pm

Sarah – Yay! An admitted Mush! And this illustrates my point perfectly because I have many mushies in my life whom I adore, and Sarah is one of them, but when she needs flowers, she better call Terry!

Michael – I was told once my archetype was a warrior, but I don’t know if that’s still true. Or even if it ever was. I like the stories you tell. I think I’d like to get a western writer to make an appearance at LitPark to speak to some of this.

Julie – I like daisies, come to think of it. Except, if Mr. H brought home daisies, I’d have to clear all my papers off the table.

Carolyn – Time for everyone to check out Carolyn’s page!

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Terry October 12, 2007 at 9:17 pm

Don’t worry, she’ll call. Or she’ll write and tell me to read the comments in LitPark today.

I was going to post some damn essay on “love” in the LitPark comments a few days ago, but then I realized that the only way I could really do that would be to start typing and then just keep typing until I stop breathing. There is simply too much. How much time do you have? Will we bring down the website if I start yammering on about love?

How about this? Instead of my essay, I’ll post this song, as performed by William Shatner. You have to listen. It’s all there. Man breasts and all.

William ShatnerIdeal Woman
William Shatner - Has Been (Arranged By Ben Folds) - Ideal Woman

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Susan Henderson October 12, 2007 at 10:09 pm

t – I can’t even believe I’m about to listen to a William Shatner song for you. Talk about love!

I would like to read your damn essay on love. Maybe it needs to be a full-length book.

Okay, off to iTunes and then I’m going to get some edits done on my book because Mr. H is at band practice.

P.S. As payback for the William Shatner listen, you must go to my MySpace and listen to the song by my neighbor (and favorite dance partner)’s mom:

http://www.myspace.com/susanhenderson

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Kimberly October 13, 2007 at 12:28 pm

tee hee. I though that was going to be a cover of Adrian Belew’s IDEAL WOMAN (also available on iTunes). Not even close!

Speaking of which, Eric Slick. What can I say that hasn’t already been said? Robin’s got video up on her blog of “Montana” and posted some pretty embarassing emails that I sent mid-concert.

(I’m blushing like a schoolgirl.)

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Ellen Meister October 13, 2007 at 12:32 pm

This is a perfect post. It made me laugh and cry and nod like a maniac. Glad I pulled my head out of my butt (where it’s been stuck all week) and read this. I’m going to link it and send you more visitors …
xoxox

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Jen Rizzo October 13, 2007 at 1:38 pm

Love this post! IT’S EXCELLENT! I really thought it rang true for me.

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Susan Henderson October 13, 2007 at 2:15 pm

Kimberly – Yeah, Terry kind of owes us for that one. Here’s a link to the post full of embarrassing emails.

Ellen – Aww. It’s good to see you here. Call me, and we’ll figure out lunch. (P.S. Thank you for the link!!)

Jen – Glad you’re here. Check out Jen’s website – it’s cool!

And Tish! – I’m sorry, somehow I missed your comment. I’m going to drag you to one of my soccer games. You should hear all the complaining about knees and backs and ankles and hernias. It will be so character building! xo

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Susan Henderson October 13, 2007 at 5:51 pm

I’m having football withdrawal because my (4-and-1) Steelers have a bye week. I’ll be rooting against my least favorite team, the baltimore birdies, this week, but it’s not the same as watching a Steelers game. Of course, this helps a little bit with the wait. (I babysat Franco’s kid once when I was in college.)

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Lizzy October 14, 2007 at 1:05 pm

Wow, this might be my favorite post ever. It’s so true. I think that love is the kind of thing that shows up in like a thousand different forms, and if you choose to see it, it’s everywhere, and if you don’t choose to see it, you won’t until it pops up somewhere you weren’t expecting.

And about the button-pushing, yeah, I think most of those are true for me, but I know that some of my friends push my buttons from time to time and since I’m stuck with them forever I really have no choice but to put up with them. I think it’s a learned skill.

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Lizzy October 14, 2007 at 1:05 pm

Oh yes, and Susan:

Steelers

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Lizzy October 14, 2007 at 1:06 pm

Since half of my comment just got deleted,

Patriots > Steelers. Let’s see if that worked.

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Susan Henderson October 14, 2007 at 10:11 pm

Great point about those friends we’re stuck with – and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

P.S. Here, let me fix that typo in your last comment:

Patriots (way) < Steelers

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Lizzy October 14, 2007 at 11:11 pm

Yeah right.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/recap?gid=20071014006

And while I’m at it,

Red Sox >>> Everybody else.

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Heather Fowler October 15, 2007 at 9:12 am

Dearest Sue,

3 things:

1. Damn, am I glad I never sent you glitter art of any sort. Not that I was likely, too, but, oh, what if I had by accident, you know? On a wild-hair-up-the-a#$ day? But–oh, I must just drop this and not dwell on what I happily did not do. LOL!

2. If I did do any of the other obnoxious things, I am going to (feign or) enact complete oblivious denial and smile at you like there’s no tomorrow while coughing up a few slightly moist canary feathers. (BTB, as a side note: You have a blessed inner-circle–blessed to know you, blessed to be known by you and dwell in your company. I know I love mine to the moon and back and have a free kidney should any of them need it one day, any day while I still breathe.)

3. I love your definitions of love. This post moved me, compelled me, and enriched my morning. Thanks! While Mr. Henderson may need his own blog, please tell him he comes across as quite charming, handsome, funny, and endearing in yours–as you do, yourself (err substitute pretty for handsome there if you will)… This morning and any morning you may need it, I extend you an old Irish blessing and a wish for the wellness and continuous joy of you and yours: May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back and may the sun shine warm upon your face.

All warmest and best, as always,
H

Reply

Susan Henderson October 15, 2007 at 11:01 am

Lizzy – Okay, hot shot. You can have bragging rights for that Dallas clobbering. We’ll let December 9th decide who gets to come here and have a brag-fest.

Heather – Well, now you went and made me feel all warm and fuzzy. xo

Reply

K.E. October 15, 2007 at 2:28 pm

What a wonderful post and something I truly needed to hear at this time in my life. Although I am feeling the sting of (bitter)love in my life right now, it is nice to be reminded of what makes it so beautiful.

The man boobs brought up nice warm and fuzzy thoughts as well. hmmm…

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Emma Alvarez October 27, 2007 at 1:19 pm

Thank you for linking me back and having such good tutorials for Halloween and sharing them. :)

Reply

Susan Henderson October 27, 2007 at 8:27 pm

So glad to see you here, Emma!

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eileen simpkins November 5, 2007 at 5:38 am

good morning Susan,

goddess bless on insomnia!

it’s 4-ish am, and have just finished reading your piece.

i’m new to the whole ‘blog’ business – you’re my first…come to think of it, i’m new to the internet, and have no idea how i found you in the first place.

have added you to ‘Favourites” (note Canadian spelling … or don’t) in the hope of finding your next epistle.

while Himself, the cats and dog sleep, i wander the the pathways of cyber space.

so happy to have found a kindred soul and most worthwhile read.

eileen

Reply

Susan Henderson November 8, 2007 at 2:35 pm

Thank you, Eileen. Welcome!

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